is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
