brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
