I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
