Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
