Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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