How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
