I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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