After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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