My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
