Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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