Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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