im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
