Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
