I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
