apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
