Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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