Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
