no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
