you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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