I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
