this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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