How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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