Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
