I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
