just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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