and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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