It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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