Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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