you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
