My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
