I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
