Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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