Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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