if i can run in heels then i can drive
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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