remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
