The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
