His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
