I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
