Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
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You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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