Your face is a jimmy john
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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