I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
