dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
