My first STD was from a foam party
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
