You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
