dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
