I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
