Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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