Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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