Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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