maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
