I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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