dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
