the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I had to cum in my sink.
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