Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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