So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
