Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Someone shit on the floor
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
