Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
