Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
