u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
