No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
