Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
