Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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