i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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