after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
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If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize