Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
