Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
