she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
