Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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