worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
