You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
