If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
