I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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