Im at strip club and am horny
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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