Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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