You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
