my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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