I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize