yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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