Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
