these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
