i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
