I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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