Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
