u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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